Breathe Of Heaven

Someone will forever be amazed
The desire to become more serious
And I was drawn to this place,
He'd once heard it was a good thing for being wise.
If only there were this many deaths around.
– Philip Larkin Going to Church

When I was going through some personal problems, a friend told me about St. Joseph's Abbey, an hour away from where I lived in New Haven, Connecticut. My friend wasn't sure if I could handle the silence. It was a Trappist monastery, and there was a restriction on talking, which wasn't my forte. My therapy had become all about talking, so I followed my friend's advice and spent a week at the monastery (a monastery run by an abbot or abbess).

Ironically, “silence” became meaningful because it was not an answer to anything. At that time, at least during my training, silence was “mindlessness” not “mindfulness”. It is impossible to be free from thoughts, but there is something similar to not thinking. Thoughts and ideas come and go. This is usually said to be a waste of time. But when silence is the order of the day, there is no time wasted and God has nothing to say. For me, this was the beginning of a quiet revolution. silence Or God sometimes saysthere is nothing

I laughed again at the joke about Protestants and their obsession with preaching: “The Word becomes flesh and then turns it back into the Word.” We cannot remain silent. I think this is another example. Another irony is that this new sense of “silence” in the quiet monastery came after a conversation with the abbot.

speaking.

The abbot at the time was Father Basil Pennington, a leading spiritual author, speaker and teacher known for his work on Centering Prayer, a form of meditation. Father Pennington was literally the Word made flesh. His whole demeanor and perpetual smile embodied an extraordinary, strengthening calm. Father Pennington introduced me to not only his own writings, but also those of Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, who is passionate about contemplative practice and its potential to foster spiritual growth and understanding across religious boundaries. Rabbi Kushner draws on a millennium of Jewish spirituality and commentary. One of his books in particular echoes Pennington's thinking and my own experience at St. Joseph's.

God was in this place and I didn't know it.

Kushner begins: “Like a mouthless being who spoke the first soundless letters, the words of the Bible hold infinite meaning.” Kushner explores the story in Genesis of Jacob betraying his brother and fleeing from his home. Jacob lands in the middle of the desert in darkness. On a cold night, Jacob lies down in the wilderness, using a stone as his pillow. Jacob dreams of a ladder stretching between heaven and earth, between God and Jacob, with angels ascending and descending. God “speaks” through dreams of reassurance, promise, and blessing.

Rabbi Kushner highlights Jacob's transformation in the dream. Jacob was self-centered and focused on his own desires and fears, represented by a lowercase “i.” But the dream reveals a greater reality: Jacob is part of something greater than himself, symbolized by a ladder connecting earth and heaven, hence the capital “I.” (In colloquialism, we find that the waves are defined by the ocean.) On a cold night, in the middle of nowhere, running from despair and not knowing where to go, Jacob discovers who he really is. With nothing to say and only the sound of silence. Broken, scared and riddled with guilt…Suddenly, Jacob finds more than a way out and hope for the future. He finds the future. right now

In the midst of hardship, I have been blessed with an incredible amount of hope. If desert nights, stones on the pillow, betrayal, guilt, loneliness, and despair are also places of grace, What isn't?

When I left St. Joseph's, my problems hadn't gotten better, but I had. I still faced problems, but I had a new sense of myself. Like Jacob, I am so much more than “I” — stronger than my weaknesses, greater than my guilt, and blessed beyond measure. They say that running from God is the longest race, and I believe that, but I also believe that faith is running from God. there is nothing

And we lose the benefit of having one more thing to do and sometimes creating a void that needs to be filled. The final irony is that it highlights the blessed possibilities that lie in nothingness. By the time I finish writing this, New ScientistThe cover headline that arrived on my desk was:

“How to create energy from nothing – a quantum quirk”

Philip Larkin's “desire to be more serious” may be a desire to stop trying so hard.

Notes and reading

I am sharing my personal experiences as a monk at St. Joseph's Monastery, and while my impressions are consistent with the spirituality I have encountered, they are my own and do not directly reflect monastic theology or monastic teachings.

“Holiness permeates the whole world and is manifested in many different moments and places.” – M. Basil Pennington OCSO
Finding Grace in the Center (3rd Edition): Beginnings of Centering Prayer (2007).
Centered Living: How to Center Prayer– Co-authored with Rabbi Kushner (1999).

Pennington's book . God Was Here, and I Didn't Know – 25th Anniversary Edition: Finding Self, Spirituality, and Ultimate Meaning – Ravi Lawrence Kushner (2016), a rabbi who is not a popular authorHaroldKushner (

Why Bad Things Happen to Good People ). “…grace sometimes creates a void that needs to be filled” – Simone Weil wrote. “Grace fills empty space, but it can only enter where there is space to receive it. And it is grace itself that creates this space.”

Gravity and Grace (2002), p. 10.