Space comes in unexpected ways: when a loved one dies, when you lose your job, when your marriage ends, when you retire…
Like you, for me, all kinds of spaces have opened up over the years.
When I was 10, my friend Sarah's father died suddenly at the community center where we met to swim. Mr. Stevens collapsed at the watering hole after playing handball on the court with the windows we looked into.
His death shocked his wife, his oldest daughter Sarah, his four younger siblings, and the entire community. Her father's unexpected death reverberated through the family beyond her grandmother moving out, her mother returning to school, and the family moving into a more affordable apartment.
At the same time, the grief of losing her father resonates through my thoughtful, supple body. I was her sensitive friend, deeply understanding my feelings, supporting Sarah as best I could, swimming around the place where her father had died. Every time I swam, I saw her father collapse helplessly to the floor, and I felt a greater emptiness for my friend's family than I could ever comprehend.
With no one to share these feelings with, they rang inside me for years, teaching me that life is fragile and that, surprisingly, spaces can suddenly appear in our lives and cause unexpected effects. For a long time, I couldn't imagine living beyond 24.
When unexpected events strike and our days change, how do we respond? Do we blame, lash out, or shrink into ourselves?
I encourage you to spend time dealing with your emotions immediately after a loss, because burying them is the same as burying them alive.
Feel the healing. As you feel what needs healing, begin or rededicate yourself to befriending yourself. What do we need?
Space can also come when you choose to step away from an addiction or passion, realign your life in some way, or choose to travel in a new way. Shortly after moving from Ohio to Western North Carolina, I was asked to apply for a certification program in Spiritual Direction. Incorporating a meditation practice into my journey opened up space in my consciousness and allowed inspired ideas that had been roiling in my belly for a long time to emerge.
I have enjoyed a decade of experimentation, going with the flow, launching Joy on Your Shoulders (JOYS) batik cotton products with positive messages, writing inspirational books, networking…
Additionally, patterns of how our culture lives have caught my attention.
I am more caught up in the societal norms of saying “YES” than ever before: I hire a seamstress, I travel to conventions, I co-author a book chapter, I hire a publicist, this amazing man who flew me to my first radio interview in New York City, connected me with interviews on podcasts and news shows, and arranged for me to appear in person on KidLit TV.
In the midst of saying “YES,” coronavirus arrived and changed the way we operate.
Last year, as I was preparing to move, I realized it was time to get rid of storage containers of JOYS quotes, boxes of fabrics, and a box of my first book.
Living in a bigger home, breathing and moving differently, has forced me to slow down and enjoy moments beyond the hectic pace, to intentionally release connections to publicists, co-authored books, networking events, and long-held email addresses.
What if, apart from my ego’s desire to spread joy far and wide in every way, I simply brought joy to each person I meet, write to, and call?
Space may present itself to us in unexpected ways, or we may intentionally create space so that life can flow more and more smoothly.
With everything you’ve been through, I can only imagine what it’s been like for you these past few years.
Perhaps our uniqueness allows us to navigate change, big or small, in the best way possible.
Maybe now is the time to make some space in your life?
Joy Lesaw is an inspirational book author, spiritual leader, and pastor with Alliance of Divine Love who leads local classes supporting personal growth.
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